Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the most courageous — and one of the most dangerous — decisions a survivor can make. It’s not as simple as “just leaving.” In fact, research consistently shows that the period when someone attempts to leave is the highest risk time for severe harm or even homicide. That’s why safety planning is essential.
In this post, I’ll walk you through why safety planning matters, how to create one, what emergency supports exist in Ontario, and what legal steps you can take to protect yourself.
Why Safety Planning Matters Before Leaving
When you’re in an abusive relationship, the urge to escape immediately is completely natural. Abuse is exhausting, painful, and frightening — and wanting out is valid. But research has shown that leaving without a plan can sometimes increase danger rather than reduce it.
Here’s why:
- Escalation of violence: The time around leaving is statistically the most dangerous. Abusive partners often escalate threats, stalking, or violence when they sense their control is slipping (Campbell et al., 2003).
- Economic instability: Survivors who leave without a financial or housing plan may face sudden poverty or homelessness, which can increase vulnerability and pressure to return (Anderson et al., 2003).
- Isolation: Abuse often cuts survivors off from family and friends. Without setting up safe contacts in advance, survivors may find themselves without help in a crisis (Goodman et al., 2005).
- Children’s safety and stability: For parents, leaving without planning can create complications around custody, schooling, and even legal protections. Having documentation and a plan in place can strengthen your safety and your children’s wellbeing.
Safety planning doesn’t mean you’re committed to leaving on a specific timeline. It simply means you’re preparing yourself with tools, resources, and options so that when the time comes, you’re not facing it alone or unprepared.
How to Create a Safety Plan
Safety planning is highly individual — no two people’s circumstances are exactly the same. But some common elements include:
1. Emergency Contacts
Have a list of trusted people you can call in a crisis. Keep it memorized, written down in a safe place, or stored under code names in your phone.
2. Quick Exit Bag
Pack essentials (ID, bank cards, keys, medications, a change of clothes) and keep them in a safe spot. If you can’t store them at home, ask a trusted friend, family member, or coworker.
3. Digital Safety
Abusers sometimes track phones, check emails, or monitor social media. Use private browsing, clear your history, and consider a second phone if possible. Change passwords on important accounts from a secure device.
4. Safe Signals
Create a code word or gesture to use with trusted people if you need help but can’t speak freely. For example, texting “I forgot the groceries” could mean “Call 911.”
5. Documentation
Keep records of abuse (photos, threatening texts, journal entries) in a safe, private location. This can be important for legal protections and custody cases.
6. Children’s Plan
If you have kids, teach them how to call 911, and agree on a safe meeting spot in case you get separated.
Emergency Shelters and Crisis Lines in Ontario
Ontario has a network of crisis lines and shelters ready to help 24/7. These supports are confidential and free.
- Assaulted Women’s Helpline (Ontario): 1-866-863-0511 (Toll-free)
- Fem’aide (French-language crisis line): 1-877-336-2433
- ShelterSafe.ca: www.sheltersafe.ca – searchable map of shelters by postal code
- Victim Services Ontario: https://www.ontario.ca/page/victim-services-ontario
- Talk4Healing (Indigenous women in Ontario): 1-855-554-4325
If you’re in immediate danger, always call 911.
Legal Steps for Protection in Ontario
Leaving abuse is not only an emotional process — it’s also a legal one. Survivors in Ontario have several options:
Restraining Orders
You can apply for a restraining order through the Ontario Court of Justice or Superior Court. These are designed to prevent an abusive partner from contacting or approaching you.
Emergency Orders and Peace Bonds
If you need immediate protection, a peace bond (through the Criminal Code) can prohibit your abuser from contacting or approaching you.
Custody and Access Orders
For parents, Ontario family courts prioritize child safety. You can request supervised visitation or restrictions if you believe your children are at risk.
Legal Aid Ontario
If finances are a barrier, Legal Aid Ontario provides assistance for family law, restraining orders, and immigration cases where abuse is a factor. Call 1-800-668-8258 or visit www.legalaid.on.ca.
You’re Not Alone
Leaving abuse is a process, not a single event. It takes time, planning, and support. Safety planning gives you the tools to leave on your own terms, with as much protection as possible.
If you’re reading this and wondering where to start, reach out to one of the crisis lines above, download the Safety Plan Checklist, and talk to a trusted professional. Whether you choose to leave tomorrow or six months from now, you deserve safety, stability, and healing.
Anderson, D. K., Saunders, D. G., Yoshihama, M., Bybee, D. I., & Sullivan, C. M. (2003). Long-term trends in depression among women separated from abusive partners. Violence Against Women, 9(7), 807–838. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801203256007
Campbell, J. C., Webster, D., Koziol-McLain, J., Block, C., Campbell, D., Curry, M. A., … & Wilt, S. A. (2003). Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: Results from a multisite case control study. American Journal of Public Health, 93(7), 1089–1097. https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.93.7.1089
Goodman, L. A., Smyth, K. F., Borges, A. M., & Singer, R. (2009). When crises collide: How intimate partner violence and poverty intersect to shape women’s mental health and coping? Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 10(4), 306–329. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838009339754
World Health Organization. (2021). Violence against women prevalence estimates, 2018. World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240022256
